Hard to believe it has been a year since I started this little vanity project, almost as hard as it is to believe so many people decided to follow it. And even though only a dozen of you are willing to commit your names to my official list of fans (wise), judging by the hit-counter (when it's working, that is), an improbable number of you must be checking in here way more often than my content warrants. Which means you either find my bile amusing, or, like detractors of Michael Moore or Glenn Beck, you just can't resist listening to a pompous mouthpiece you hate. So, whether this blog is to you an insightfully comedic gem on par with Voltaire's corpus of witty satire, or a morbid fascination more akin to the white-trash-party-slut fetish evoked by Ke$ha, I thank you all from the bottom of my withered heart.
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It's kind of like a car-wreck: you can't look away. And you want to throw gasoline on it. |
That said, this isn't going to be some cop-out flashback episode or a retrospective "Best of 2011" list like so many media outlets do. No, I'm going to hit you with some original material, even if it is only middling. Because that's how much your support means to me, and I want to show you that on this, my first anniversary. I'll give you a moment to wipe the tear from your eye.
Moving on . . .
It's January 2012 and, unless those doomsaying Mayans were right and we only have another 10 months or so of existence left, it's the perfect time to take a fresh look at this every-changing world and our places in it, to reassess and reaffirm, to seize the day and generally live life by any number of similar cliches. You know, just like any other day. My motto for the month of January goes something like "New year. Same world," or a variation thereof.
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Feel free to print this out and put it on your bumper. |
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This is also not how it works. |
Because it is a simple fact that the vast majority of people's New Year's resolutions are very reminiscent of Herman Cain's presidential campaign: an overblown, superficial, halfhearted show destined to fall flat before reaching full-steam. It makes people feel better about themselves when they commit to bettering their situations in whatever capacity, even if deep inside they know damn well they are just counting down the days until they can throw in the towel and say they "gave it their best shot." As my CNN affiliate David Frum shrewdly pointed out in a recent article, the average American is sort of a fat, mostly lazy piece of shit who is just getting fatter and lazier. Those may not have been his exact words, and maybe he said them like they were some sort of profound revelation, but that was the gist. And he authoritatively confirmed my assumption that most people can't keep a promise, least of all to themselves.
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"I promise to stop breaking promises to myself . . . at least not when I'm looking." |
That said, I'm not swearing any vows or making any promises this year, to you or myself. No, I am going to keep doing what I do best - I will think what I want and say what I think, and to hell with anyone who doesn't like it. But, of course, I am always open to year-round feedback (especially fan mail, which I am still waiting for *fingers crossed*), and I will not be held hostage by my joke-a-day Garfield calendar if I decide a change is needed. Just kidding. Garfield isn't funny anymore.
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See? |
KP, out.
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